Take, for example, the heterosexual woman who later develops an attraction to women, and begins to identify as bisexual or lesbian. She may have experienced this attraction throughout her life and not picked up on it—perhaps she didn’t meet the right woman, or she was living in a repressive environment where homosexuality was not accepted. Or maybe her sexual orientation actively shifted. The attitudes of those around her will be dismissive and unpleasant, as people attempt to erase both her past as a heterosexual and her present as a gay or bi woman.
Though her sexuality has shifted, she remains fundamentally the same woman. Her past history doesn’t magically vanish, and she may even look back on it with fondness or gratitude for the relationships she had. Likewise, people may move through other sexual orientations depending on circumstances, their current stage of life, and other factors; the asexual who later realizes he’s gay, the lesbian woman who develops a bisexual attraction. —
I think people are really frightened of the idea of fluid sexuality because they’re very commited to the idea of marrying someone for the rest of their lives and fluid sexuality seems to threaten that. The thing is, our fluid sexuality isn’t something uncontroleable, it’s often something we can nudge in the direction we want it to go. And our fluid sexuality serves our relationships far more often than it catches us by surprise. Are you not attracted to the idea of your partner at 70? not yet. You can thank your sexuality for fixing that. Are you not attracted to your partner after their life and body changes drastically by illness? Give it time and watch your sexuality change. Think you’ll never be attracted to your transgender partner if they transition? I’ve seen tons of examples how your sexuality can grow to include their new selves. But even without any of those things, your partner is always going to change and part of the succes of your relationship depends on the ability of your sexuality to change and keep up with that.
I tried to explain the concept of “larping” to my mum. I used the words “like acting, only without an audience.” She replied: “Oh so stand-up!”
Gee, thanks mum.